My path to self discovery wasn’t a pretty one. Is it even suppose to be? I sadly was one of those who needed to hit tock bottom before realizing that there was many things in my life that needed to change.

When I packed my bags and left my small town for the chaos of Toronto, chasing after Jeff and a dream of something bigger, I didn't have a damn clue what was in store. College, a full-time job, and city life - I was all in. But shit got real about a year in when I found out I was pregnant at just 18. Talk about a curveball.

Fear, uncertainty, and a hell lot of 'What the fuck do I do now?' moments hit me like a freight train. To top it off, I felt utterly alone. Jeff wasn’t cut out for this kind of storm, struggling with his own emotional baggage and shit way of connecting thanks to his own emotionless upbringing.

My pregnancy was a rollercoaster of trauma, each turn and drop cranking up my anxiety. It was like falling into a dark pit with no way out. Then came the birth, and along with my baby, postpartum depression crashed into me. It was like drowning with no one around to throw you a lifeline.

After my son was born, I realized I needed support, so I headed back to my hometown for a while. But damn, it didn't take long for me to see that small-town life wasn't for me anymore. Craving a fresh start, I packed up our lives and moved my family to Fort McMurray, Alberta. I thought a new place would mean a new me, but boy, was I wrong.

The ghosts of my past traumas and the emotional neglect I'd endured started to weigh me down, heavy and suffocating.

My anxiety skyrocketed, landing me in the ER more times than I can count.

I barely recognized myself – I had doubled in weight from my days as a high school athlete. Life felt like a cruel joke.

My relationship with Jeff turned into this suffocating codependency.

We were drifting apart, and I felt helpless watching it happen. I was stuck in this never-ending cycle of fight or flight, and it was fucking exhausting. I couldn't work, barely left the house, and years just slipped by in this haze of fear and isolation.

I was trapped, lost in my own life, and I had no idea how to break free.

In the thick of all that chaos, my relationship with Jeff started to crumble. I felt emotionally neglected and was fucking desperate for any kind of change. After years of just me, the house, and my thoughts, I started to reach out, make some friends, and actually step outside.

At 25, I finally got a taste of social life with friends who weren't parents. Most weekends were spent bar hopping, which was a new scene for me.

I was never much of a drinker, but hell, the way alcohol numbed my mind felt like a relief. It was a break from the constant battle in my head. Being a regular at the bars, and pretty much invisible in my own relationship, I couldn't help but notice the attention I was getting from other guys.

I knew deep down it was wrong, but after years of craving care and affection, this attention felt like someone was finally seeing me. It was like a fucked-up validation of my worth, and in a twisted way, I thought it might take some emotional load off Jeff.

After everything went to hell in my relationship, I hit the hardest time of my life. Jeff, seeing how deep I was in my despair, left me with this carefully thought-out exit strategy. He even went as far as leaving a number for a suicide hotline. It was confusing and painful – why the hell did he start to show he cared now, after years of being so emotionally distant and neglectful? I thought flirting with others would ease the pressure between us, but I never saw the shitstorm it would bring.

That moment threw me right into rock bottom. I ended up on the sofa, only allowed in the bedroom for sex, no kissing or real affection, like it was some fucked-up rule. I felt used, worthless, and totally empty inside. The pain got so bad, I started thinking about ending it all. I was a mess, not just as a partner, but as a parent, and even as a person. I couldn’t see a way out of the darkness.

Driven by this raw, desperate need for change, I knew I had to seek help. I dragged myself to the hospital and poured my heart out to a crisis nurse. That's when I stumbled into Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It was a game-changer – I finally got a proper diagnosis and began arming myself with coping strategies and tools to navigate the chaos of my life. This was the start of a long, fucking hard journey towards healing and rebuilding myself.

Through these heavy, life-altering challenges, I found my strength – but it didn't come easy. It was a result of a lot of hard work and sheer dedication to my therapy program. On days when I wasn't in therapy, I buried myself in self-help books. I wasn’t just reading them; I was living them, breathing them. I surrounded myself with nothing but positive influences. With nearly 100 self-help books under my belt, I finally found my groove. I learned how to simplify what I used to make so damn complicated.

I've come to believe that hitting rock bottom isn't always necessary for change, sadly for me, it was. It's about the willingness to change and grow. It's about wanting to be better, not just for me but for my son. It was realizing that the life I was living didn’t make me happy, or proud, it was just distracting me from the real work that needed to be done.

With my head finally in a healthy space and a temporary fix in my rocky relationship, I welcomed a baby girl into the world. That same whirlwind year, I said ‘I Do’ to Jeff, the guy I’ve been with since I was 15, and we bought our first home together. The birth of my beautiful daughter lit a fire in me. I was determined to not just be a good mother but a strong woman who loved herself deeply. I was hell-bent on breaking every damn generational curse that whispered I wasn’t good enough or that I needed to fit some bullshit mold to be accepted.

I committed myself to lifelong learning, constantly reading and surrounding myself with positive influences. I like to say, 'Judge me by the people I follow.' I've cut out all the negative, toxic crap in my life, focusing on the only thing I can control: my reaction to what life throws at me. Watching people who inspire me to be better, I’ve adapted mindsets that only benefit me, leaving a legacy of growth for my family.

A year after my daughter was born, after a shit ton of research, I made a bold move. I traveled to Tijuana, Mexico, for weight loss surgery. It was a profound moment in my life, stirring up some unexpected issues, but ultimately, it was the most amazing, life-changing decision I've ever made.

Today, I stand firm in my journey of continuous growth. I've learned that embracing change, seeking knowledge, and nurturing a positive environment are the keys to transformation. I’m no longer just surviving; I'm thriving, shaping a world where I and my family can truly flourish.